Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

What's happened to Disney's cash cow?  It's beginning to look emaciated and its milk tastes rancid.  All of the charm and inventiveness of the previous entries has either been erased or misplaced for this unfortunate misfire and the fans would do well to protest the injustice. 

Johnny Depp returns as Jack Sparrow and he's got a lot more screen time.  Unfortunately, this is a case of quantity over quality.  He's not the same Jack Sparrow we know and love, he seems to be tired of his own antics and Depp doesn't walk with that jolly spring in his step anymore.  His performance is depressingly muted and so is the material he's been given.  Most of the one-liners he croaks are followed by the deafening clang of a gong.  The only redeeming element in Sparrow's return is that he's paired with Penelope Cruz, who plays Captain Blackbeard's daughter Angelica.  The chemistry that Depp and Cruz ignite in their scenes together save this movie from being fodder for the next bonfire.

Ian McShane plays the villainous Blackbeard.  I'd hardly call Blackbeard a worthy villain, he'd have to have more of an imposing quality and that would have required more imagination from the writers.  As it is, Blackbeard shows up and announces himself as the bad guy and that's it.  We're supposed to jeer him because the plot requires it.  There's nothing interesting in the way that McShane plays him and there's nothing captivating in the way he's drawn in the screenplay.  He's generic and stale and his desire for the fountain of youth isn't awfully original either.

Most of my displeasure with On Stranger Tides stems from the fact that Rob Marshall doesn't have the visual wit of Gore Verbinski.  I vividly remember the set-pieces in the first three films: Jack's brilliant entrance upon a sinking ship in Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack's encounter with cannibals and his hilarious escape in Dead Man's Chest, and the climactic battle scene that closes At World's End.  Those were jaw-dropping scenes and they left me with a woozy grin.  In this fourth film, we don't have anything that comes close that.  I can't recall a single set-piece from this new film.  In fact, it actually cribs moments from the first three films in order to pad itself out to feature length.  There's a familiarity to the way Jack duels with a mysterious doppelganger in a darkened tavern and also in the way that Blackbeard deals with some mutineers, this film even rips off the Kraken Attack with a pack of mermaids.  I was howling during that last scene.  Mermaids are the last thing on earth I'd consider a threat.

Do yourself a favor, skip Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and revisit the first three films.  Some memories are worth preserving, this film will only tarnish them.

C-