Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

What's happened to Disney's cash cow?  It's beginning to look emaciated and its milk tastes rancid.  All of the charm and inventiveness of the previous entries has either been erased or misplaced for this unfortunate misfire and the fans would do well to protest the injustice. 

Johnny Depp returns as Jack Sparrow and he's got a lot more screen time.  Unfortunately, this is a case of quantity over quality.  He's not the same Jack Sparrow we know and love, he seems to be tired of his own antics and Depp doesn't walk with that jolly spring in his step anymore.  His performance is depressingly muted and so is the material he's been given.  Most of the one-liners he croaks are followed by the deafening clang of a gong.  The only redeeming element in Sparrow's return is that he's paired with Penelope Cruz, who plays Captain Blackbeard's daughter Angelica.  The chemistry that Depp and Cruz ignite in their scenes together save this movie from being fodder for the next bonfire.

Ian McShane plays the villainous Blackbeard.  I'd hardly call Blackbeard a worthy villain, he'd have to have more of an imposing quality and that would have required more imagination from the writers.  As it is, Blackbeard shows up and announces himself as the bad guy and that's it.  We're supposed to jeer him because the plot requires it.  There's nothing interesting in the way that McShane plays him and there's nothing captivating in the way he's drawn in the screenplay.  He's generic and stale and his desire for the fountain of youth isn't awfully original either.

Most of my displeasure with On Stranger Tides stems from the fact that Rob Marshall doesn't have the visual wit of Gore Verbinski.  I vividly remember the set-pieces in the first three films: Jack's brilliant entrance upon a sinking ship in Curse of the Black Pearl, Jack's encounter with cannibals and his hilarious escape in Dead Man's Chest, and the climactic battle scene that closes At World's End.  Those were jaw-dropping scenes and they left me with a woozy grin.  In this fourth film, we don't have anything that comes close that.  I can't recall a single set-piece from this new film.  In fact, it actually cribs moments from the first three films in order to pad itself out to feature length.  There's a familiarity to the way Jack duels with a mysterious doppelganger in a darkened tavern and also in the way that Blackbeard deals with some mutineers, this film even rips off the Kraken Attack with a pack of mermaids.  I was howling during that last scene.  Mermaids are the last thing on earth I'd consider a threat.

Do yourself a favor, skip Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and revisit the first three films.  Some memories are worth preserving, this film will only tarnish them.

C-

The Hangover Part II (2011)

Seeing The Hangover Part II felt like watching re-runs of a favorite show.  This sequel copies the plot and jokes of the first film and the only spin on the material is that it doesn't take place in Vegas and Justin Bartha isn't the one lost in the big city.  This time around, The Wolfpack is lost in the city of Bangkok, Thailand.  Stu is the one getting married and his fiancee's little brother, Teddy has gone missing.  Justin Bartha is still MIA but only because he's too smart to go along for the ride.

As expected, it contains a lot of vulgar humor both in oral and visual forms and at times it goes a little too far.  An example of this is what happens when Stu finds out he slept with a hooker during his alcohol fueled bachelor outing.  It's not the fact that he slept with a hooker that bothered me, it's with what kind of hooker.

I laughed one time during The Hangover Part II and that was when Stu goes into song mode about what's happened to him.  It's a mildly amusing riff but it's not worth the $10.  There's also a mean-spirited edge to the film:  people are dying of drug overdoses, a kid manages to cut off one of his fingers, possible kidnapping in an exotic and dangerous locale, and there's a grumpy father-in-law who doesn't like Stu.  This is a lot darker than anything I saw in The Hangover and it put a bad taste in my mouth.

You might read this review and think that I had a bad time at the movies.  To tell you the truth, I didn't and I'm really surprised.  Sometimes having a few familiar faces around is enough to make anything bearable.  The Wolfpack came through and they rescued the film from being completely unwatchable.   Having said this, I'd still recommend that you skip this one and rent the original. 

C

The Start of a New Blog

This is Brave New Cinema, a personal blog dedicated to reviewing films of the past and present.  My friends on Facebook are familiar with my short form reviews masquerading as status updates and the welcoming response I've received from them has given me the confidence to begin the blog you see now.  I'm hoping that this blog will bring even more friends and readers from out of the woodwork and that my voice will have a wider influence.  With that being said, here's to what will no doubt be a grand adventure in film criticism.